Mate Poaching: When Single Women Seek Attached Men

Here’s a debate that’s been raging for years: Are men or women more likely to engage in “mate poaching”?

Some surveys indicated that men had a stronger tendency to pursue attached women, but is that simply a reflection of the fact that men are more likely to talk openly about their romantic conquests?

On the other hand, it’s a common lament among single women that “all the good men are taken.” Reading between the lines that could well mean that an attached guy is a time-tested commodity.

Into this age-old debate come two social psychologists, Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University, who, in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, report a possible answer to this question.

According to the results of their study, women are far more likely to pursue a male who is in a committed relationship. Than a male is apt to pursue a committed female. Here is how their study reached that conclusion:

Burkley and Parker began by interviewing male and female undergraduates. Some of these interviewees were involved in romantic relationships, others were unattached. After a few opening questions to get their subjects relaxed, they asked each participant to describe their ideal romantic partner.

Shortly after that, each participant was told (not actually true) that they had been matched by computer with a like-minded partner. In all cases, both men and women were then shown a photograph of an attractive member of the opposite sex.

In truth, all the participants saw the same male or female photo depending on their gender. Then, half of the study’s subjects were informed that the computer’s top selection was unfortunately, according to an updated profile, already romantically involved. The other half of the participants were told the “good news” that their computer selected match was indeed unattached. Now that the bait had been set it was time to spring the trap. Each one of the subjects was asked if they had a potential romantic interest in their computer match regardless of their current romantic status.

To the men in the experiment, it appeared to make no significant difference whether their chosen computer match was single or attached. But the single women had a surprisingly strong predilection for the attached male. When the same man in the photo was described as single and not currently involved, 59 percent of the single women were interested in possibly pursuing a relationship. When that exact same man was described to the other half of the female study participants as being in a committed relationship, an amazing 90 percent were interested.

Approximately 200 undergrads participated in the study. Burkley and Parker concluded that, “Single women in this study were clearly more interested in the potential target mate when he was identified as attached. This may be because an attached man has already demonstrated his ability to commit and in that sense has been ‘pre-screened’ by another woman.”

Undoubtedly the gender mate poaching debate will go on. This study, however, was well planned and well executed. It may just be that when visiting Venus attached males should beware that a tender trap may be waiting for them as well.

Mars Venus Living ©August 2009