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Mate Poaching Q & A
Q & A with Jessica Parker and Dr. Melissa Burkley
What is mate poaching? Mate poaching occurs when someone attempts to lure an individual away from their current partner.
Why do you call it mate poaching? We did not come up with the term mate poaching. It is a term already used in the field of psychology to refer to this behavior.
Why did you choose to pursue this topic? The idea originated with Jessica as the focus of her Masters thesis. She is interested in research on gender differences in cheating and noticed that most of the research focuses on reasons why men cheat, but few studies examine why women cheat. In movies and TV, there are many examples of women engaging in mate poaching, but few examples of men. So we wanted to see if women are actually more likely to mate poach.
How is your study on mate poaching unique?
Few studies have been conducted on this topic, but those that have typically ask people to recall their own and others' instances of pursuing committed individuals. These studies rely on people’s to self-report their instances of mate poaching, but such responses may be inaccurate. Those surveys showed that men reported more poaching experiences, but it is unclear if men do poach more or are they just more willing than women to admit to this behavior. Therefore, we created an experiment so to determine if simply thinking a target is attached increases interest in that target.
Briefly describe your study. Participants logged on to the computer and answered questions typically seen in an online dating website survey (e.g., their likes, dislikes, turn-on's, and interests). Next, they were told the computer would match them up with a student in the database who responded similarly. Participants were then presented with a photo and information regarding this match (who was always an attractive opposite-sexed other). Half of the participants read that this match was single and half read the match was in a current romantic relationship (all other information was identical). After viewing the photograph and description, participants responded to several questions assessing how interested they were in pursuing their match (e.g., would you flirt with your match, would you pursue a relationship with your match).
What were the main results? Single women were more interested in the man when he was described as attached (90% interested) than when he was described as single (59%). Men showed no difference in interest between a single and attached woman.
Why are single women more interested in men who are attached? There are probably several reasons why single women engage in mate poaching. The current study did not address this, but some possible reasons include: A taken man may be seen as more of a challenge, Women may be socialized to compete with other women for men’s attentions and this chase for a taken man's attention is thrilling, they may see themselves as “saving” the man from an unhappy relationship, taken men have already proven they have resources and are willing to commit. For Jessica Parker’s dissertation, she is examining if self-esteem is a motive for mate poaching, specifically among women who base their self-esteem on their appearance. If this is the case, women may use mate poaching as an attempt to protect and restore self-esteem. A woman who successfully lures a man away from his partner may use this "success" to convince herself that she is better than his current partner and it may be that these feelings of superiority provide a boost to her self-esteem.
Do these findings offer an excuse or absolve mate poachers of their guilt? Quite the opposite. These findings highlight that both the cheater and the poacher play a role in the affair. When a mate poaching situation occurs, the focus is typically on asking why the man cheated, but few question why the mistress knowingly engaged in the affair. It may be that he actively sought out a mistress, but this research suggests that it may also be that someone else was actively pursuing him. We believe this study highlights the fact that both parties are responsible for the affair. We hope that our study leads to more research on this topic, and the more we understand about this behavior, the more we may be able to prevent it from happening in the future.
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